so, tonight was just another mommy & the kids night. mattie's working....again. no surprise there. his job s-u-c-k-s. but it pays the bills. anywho..............we do our usual. we drive-thru mcdonald's, scarf it down in the car, & come on home. tonight i thought we'd try one of my new dancing with the stars dvd workouts. although i don't make resolutions, i know i need to better myself this year. i need to actually take the meds i'm prescribed & the vitamins so i can kick this anemia stuff once & for all. i need to lose a few pounds, eat better, & just be healthier in general so that i can be the best mom, wife, friend (and all the other titles i am) i can. it was rough. i won't lie. my oh-so-outta-shape butt had a hard time. even rae gave up & she LOVES to dance. anyway, after 60 minutes of cardio i needed to get semi-cleaned up & the kiddos needed a bath. typical stuff for us. BUT, 5 minutes into the bath i hear 2 little ones jumping out & screaming "GROSS'
i knew what had happened before even going in. i knew i was going FISHING.
fishing for logs.
yes, i just said that. when, oh when, will i learn not to put my little beast in the tub before he takes a dump in his diaper? better yet, when will he be potty-trained?!
if anyone would like to come work on that, i'll pay you. seriously. i don't do potty-training.
so until one of you lucky 10 readers (maybe 11 if nance comes over for a read) comes to help me out i guess i'll just keep fishing.
GROSS.
aren't you glad i don't do pictures very often?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Monday, January 26, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
sometimes it just hits you
{edit a few hours later----no wonder it hit so hard. it was 7 years ago TODAY. thanks sis!}
* no proofreading. i just wrote. i'll just post. *
so i'm a sap. a total crybaby. this is not news. i've always been that way. it got worse after the kids were born. i cry at everything. i cry at rae's dance shows. i cry when i notice how much beastie boy is changing. i cry at the news. and last night i cried while watching private practice.
now, this is normal. crying while watching tv happens all too often around here. but last night was different.
the tears started because one of the characters had cancer & decided to help death along a bit. he was in pain. he was ready to be finished. (he was a pretty darn good actor)
after a few minutes of quiet tears slowly streaming down my cheeks, i started crying uncontrollably. mattie just looked at me like i was crazy. he never did ask what was wrong. had he, he would've heard somethig like this......
it had just hit me that my grandfather died 7 years ago this week. i feel horrible that i can't remember the exact date. i dealt with 2 deaths that week--the grandfather of one of my closest friends & my own grandpa. it was difficult.
he had cancer---everywhere. it was so bad there was no telling which one actually killed him. probably a combination of all of them. i remember seeing him at christmas. he looked awful. and we could all tell it was his last. he knew it too. i stayed a little longer at the family gathering. hugged a little tighter. dreaded leaving because i knew it was over. i never did see him alive again. i was busy with school & work. by the time it was nearing the end, mom said he looked awful & i wouldn't want to see him that way. so i didn't go. and for the most part i'm happy i listened. one of my cousin's was brave enough to go see him, and i think my cousin regrets it. grandpa wasn't grandpa anymore.
the weeks leading up to the end were busy. mom would make the drive down every couple days. they kept calling & saying it was the end, she needed to be there. but he wouldn't let go. she'd come home for a day just to get another call. after weeks of this, it truly was the end. and it was best. no more cancer. no more pain. and for that we were all thankful.
the next few days are a blur. the 2 hour drive down, the fight w/ the then fiance who refused to go along (this lead to the end of relationship----thanks for small miracles), the hotel. waiting on my siblings to arrive, seeing cousins i hadn't seen in years, meeting other i'd never met. it all runs together.
but i do remember the night of the funeral. only a handful of people remained at grandma's house. and we sat, we cried, we drank, we shared "sid stories." we sat for hours taking turns telling stories about grandpa, laughing. he would've loved it. and it helped.
i still think about him often. i miss his messy hair, the smell of his pipe. the giant hugs & scruffy kisses. i miss him. but i will never forget. when the kids are older, they'll hear the sid stories too. they'll hear that he fought at the battle of the bulge, that he was so funny & funloving. they'll hear about the family reunions & trips. how he always had candy for us. they will know him in their own way. i just wish they could know him like i did.
so i think i'll stay away from tv dramas for awhile. i'm not sure i can handle another night when it just hits me. not yet.
love you grandpa
at that time, joe nichols had a song out called the impossible. i cried every time i heard it. still do. here is the 1st verse & the chorus.
My dad chased monsters from the dark,
Checked underneath my bed.
He could lift me with one arm,
Way up over top his head.
He could loosen rusty bolts,
With a quick turn of his wrench.
He pulled splinters from his hand,
Never even flinched.
In 13 years I'd never seen him cry,
But the day that Grandpa died,
I realized
Unsinkable ships (sink)
Unbreakable walls (break)
Sometimes the things you think will never happen,
happen just like that
Unbendable steel (bends),
If the fury of the wind is unstoppable,
I've learned to never under estimate,
the impossible
* no proofreading. i just wrote. i'll just post. *
so i'm a sap. a total crybaby. this is not news. i've always been that way. it got worse after the kids were born. i cry at everything. i cry at rae's dance shows. i cry when i notice how much beastie boy is changing. i cry at the news. and last night i cried while watching private practice.
now, this is normal. crying while watching tv happens all too often around here. but last night was different.
the tears started because one of the characters had cancer & decided to help death along a bit. he was in pain. he was ready to be finished. (he was a pretty darn good actor)
after a few minutes of quiet tears slowly streaming down my cheeks, i started crying uncontrollably. mattie just looked at me like i was crazy. he never did ask what was wrong. had he, he would've heard somethig like this......
it had just hit me that my grandfather died 7 years ago this week. i feel horrible that i can't remember the exact date. i dealt with 2 deaths that week--the grandfather of one of my closest friends & my own grandpa. it was difficult.
he had cancer---everywhere. it was so bad there was no telling which one actually killed him. probably a combination of all of them. i remember seeing him at christmas. he looked awful. and we could all tell it was his last. he knew it too. i stayed a little longer at the family gathering. hugged a little tighter. dreaded leaving because i knew it was over. i never did see him alive again. i was busy with school & work. by the time it was nearing the end, mom said he looked awful & i wouldn't want to see him that way. so i didn't go. and for the most part i'm happy i listened. one of my cousin's was brave enough to go see him, and i think my cousin regrets it. grandpa wasn't grandpa anymore.
the weeks leading up to the end were busy. mom would make the drive down every couple days. they kept calling & saying it was the end, she needed to be there. but he wouldn't let go. she'd come home for a day just to get another call. after weeks of this, it truly was the end. and it was best. no more cancer. no more pain. and for that we were all thankful.
the next few days are a blur. the 2 hour drive down, the fight w/ the then fiance who refused to go along (this lead to the end of relationship----thanks for small miracles), the hotel. waiting on my siblings to arrive, seeing cousins i hadn't seen in years, meeting other i'd never met. it all runs together.
but i do remember the night of the funeral. only a handful of people remained at grandma's house. and we sat, we cried, we drank, we shared "sid stories." we sat for hours taking turns telling stories about grandpa, laughing. he would've loved it. and it helped.
i still think about him often. i miss his messy hair, the smell of his pipe. the giant hugs & scruffy kisses. i miss him. but i will never forget. when the kids are older, they'll hear the sid stories too. they'll hear that he fought at the battle of the bulge, that he was so funny & funloving. they'll hear about the family reunions & trips. how he always had candy for us. they will know him in their own way. i just wish they could know him like i did.
so i think i'll stay away from tv dramas for awhile. i'm not sure i can handle another night when it just hits me. not yet.
love you grandpa
at that time, joe nichols had a song out called the impossible. i cried every time i heard it. still do. here is the 1st verse & the chorus.
My dad chased monsters from the dark,
Checked underneath my bed.
He could lift me with one arm,
Way up over top his head.
He could loosen rusty bolts,
With a quick turn of his wrench.
He pulled splinters from his hand,
Never even flinched.
In 13 years I'd never seen him cry,
But the day that Grandpa died,
I realized
Unsinkable ships (sink)
Unbreakable walls (break)
Sometimes the things you think will never happen,
happen just like that
Unbendable steel (bends),
If the fury of the wind is unstoppable,
I've learned to never under estimate,
the impossible
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
the great baby debate
the great baby debate has come to an end.
while we really, REALLY feel ready mentally, the world will have to wait at least 1 more year for another fair-skinned, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, presidentially-named smith baby. make that more than 1 year. we are dead set in our decision to try to have another child. we've always wanted a backseat full. but for personal reasons, we are going to hold off on trying for another year. maybe more.
we know that financially this is best for us, but that most certainly is NOT the reason we chose to wait. nor is the reason anything about how old rae & beast would be. we know we would figure out the finances & that rae & beast would be fabulous with another baby around.
our decision right now revolves around the fact that we could have a VERY large, life-changing decision to make in a few months. COULD is the key word. we do not know if we'll have to make a decision, but we believe we will. there is, at least, a very good possibility. no, i will not disclose what that decision involves!!! a very, very small handful of people know & that's more than enough.
so for the next few months, please don't ask about babies (too bad ALL my friends don't read this!) or big decisions! and if i'm extra bitchy, please bear with me. mattie & i are considerably stressed at the mere thought of having to make such a decision (and the mere thought of not having to---promise you'll understand later!). and while we try not to think about all the changes that could potentially happen, they are never far from our minds. so until we have more info just bear with us.
ok, i feel slightly better putting this out there even though it means nothing to those of you who read this! i apologize for the vagueness. i just don't want to tell everyone or get excited about anything. i've been let down too many times.
love to all
while we really, REALLY feel ready mentally, the world will have to wait at least 1 more year for another fair-skinned, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, presidentially-named smith baby. make that more than 1 year. we are dead set in our decision to try to have another child. we've always wanted a backseat full. but for personal reasons, we are going to hold off on trying for another year. maybe more.
we know that financially this is best for us, but that most certainly is NOT the reason we chose to wait. nor is the reason anything about how old rae & beast would be. we know we would figure out the finances & that rae & beast would be fabulous with another baby around.
our decision right now revolves around the fact that we could have a VERY large, life-changing decision to make in a few months. COULD is the key word. we do not know if we'll have to make a decision, but we believe we will. there is, at least, a very good possibility. no, i will not disclose what that decision involves!!! a very, very small handful of people know & that's more than enough.
so for the next few months, please don't ask about babies (too bad ALL my friends don't read this!) or big decisions! and if i'm extra bitchy, please bear with me. mattie & i are considerably stressed at the mere thought of having to make such a decision (and the mere thought of not having to---promise you'll understand later!). and while we try not to think about all the changes that could potentially happen, they are never far from our minds. so until we have more info just bear with us.
ok, i feel slightly better putting this out there even though it means nothing to those of you who read this! i apologize for the vagueness. i just don't want to tell everyone or get excited about anything. i've been let down too many times.
love to all
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
A New Era
So today is January 20, 2009. And what does that mean? Why, it's inauguration of course!! And whose inauguration was it? BARACK OBAMA!!!!
I attempted to make the kids watch the actual inauguration ceremony but no luck. Rae can, however, point out President Obama in a crowd, so that makes me proud. Mattie & I watched everyone file in---congresspeople, senators, the new cabinet, the outgoing president & vp, the incoming vp & president, everyone. We listened to all the music (including Arethra's godawful version of whatever the hell she sang). We listened as that whackjob gave the invocation & VP Biden was sworn in. We listened as Chief Justice Roberts f'd up the Presidential oath, causing President Obama to flub it up as well. We laughed. We watched them all file out.
We watched bits & pieces of the new First Family walking down Pennsylvania Avenue & then the entire superlong parade. I cheered. Matt, well, I don't know. He voted for Barack Obama but now is having issues with some of the new President's decisions. We'll see how that goes.
I will say that I'm pretty sick of the race talk already, though. Let me remind you (all 9 of you who read this!) that Barack Obama is just as much white as he is black. I'll stop now.
Anyway, it was a great day in America. A great day for Americans. I have hope for the future & hope for my children's futures.
Now if I could just see a pic of Michelle's dress & those adorable little girls of theirs!!!
I attempted to make the kids watch the actual inauguration ceremony but no luck. Rae can, however, point out President Obama in a crowd, so that makes me proud. Mattie & I watched everyone file in---congresspeople, senators, the new cabinet, the outgoing president & vp, the incoming vp & president, everyone. We listened to all the music (including Arethra's godawful version of whatever the hell she sang). We listened as that whackjob gave the invocation & VP Biden was sworn in. We listened as Chief Justice Roberts f'd up the Presidential oath, causing President Obama to flub it up as well. We laughed. We watched them all file out.
We watched bits & pieces of the new First Family walking down Pennsylvania Avenue & then the entire superlong parade. I cheered. Matt, well, I don't know. He voted for Barack Obama but now is having issues with some of the new President's decisions. We'll see how that goes.
I will say that I'm pretty sick of the race talk already, though. Let me remind you (all 9 of you who read this!) that Barack Obama is just as much white as he is black. I'll stop now.
Anyway, it was a great day in America. A great day for Americans. I have hope for the future & hope for my children's futures.
Now if I could just see a pic of Michelle's dress & those adorable little girls of theirs!!!
Friday, January 16, 2009
introducing....
The Liz Logelin Foundation ~ For the Love of Liz
I know most of you who read my blog are actively involved in this. For those of you who aren't, please check this out. You can link to it from just to the left of this!! (be sure to have an entire box of tissues on hand, while at the same time being prepared to laugh out loud & smile uncontrollably. and note---the blog's got some "colorful" language to say the least!)
I'll never forget reading the Star Tribune article about Maddy's birth & Liz's tragic death. I cried & cried. I read through every single post on Matt's blog. My heart broke for these people whom I'd never met.
But something absolutely amazing has grown from the events. I'm proud to be a part of such a fabulous project & blessed to have met so many wondeful new friends, not to mention getting to know Matt & Maddy & their family.
Matt is truly an inspiration. And Maddy will continue to be the light in his life & so many others---the light they thought was gone when Liz passed but seems to have only gotten brighter.
Love to all
I know most of you who read my blog are actively involved in this. For those of you who aren't, please check this out. You can link to it from just to the left of this!! (be sure to have an entire box of tissues on hand, while at the same time being prepared to laugh out loud & smile uncontrollably. and note---the blog's got some "colorful" language to say the least!)
I'll never forget reading the Star Tribune article about Maddy's birth & Liz's tragic death. I cried & cried. I read through every single post on Matt's blog. My heart broke for these people whom I'd never met.
But something absolutely amazing has grown from the events. I'm proud to be a part of such a fabulous project & blessed to have met so many wondeful new friends, not to mention getting to know Matt & Maddy & their family.
Matt is truly an inspiration. And Maddy will continue to be the light in his life & so many others---the light they thought was gone when Liz passed but seems to have only gotten brighter.
Love to all
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
argument resolved
so the husband & i are having a small argument the other day. ok, maybe not small. but it really was about nothing. we were both just very frustrated.
m: why are we even together?
a: i don't know. you tell me.
m: because it costs too much to get divorced.
nice, huh? so later when he was less pissy (anger management issues i tell ya!)
a: so why are we still together? because the housing market sucks & we couldn't sell this place if we wanted to?
m: because we make pretty babies.
enough said.
so what do you think? is it time for another fair-skinned, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, presidentially-named smith baby?
m: why are we even together?
a: i don't know. you tell me.
m: because it costs too much to get divorced.
nice, huh? so later when he was less pissy (anger management issues i tell ya!)
a: so why are we still together? because the housing market sucks & we couldn't sell this place if we wanted to?
m: because we make pretty babies.
enough said.
so what do you think? is it time for another fair-skinned, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, presidentially-named smith baby?
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
happy holidays (finally!)
ok, here we go. thanksgiving through the new year in very few words & a bunch of pictures!
we came back from PA, did the christmas shopping thing, the tree, the family pics (thanks nancy!!), the daycare party, the snow, the dance recital, the bama gifts, the santa gifts, the family gifts. any questions?
(disclaimer---i did NOT take all the pics. mattie took most of them. don't judge!
i'll get the santa pic up later. and i'll try to load rae's dance recital video as well!)
(ornaments from leigh in the sav)
.JPG)
(betcha can't guess what size dress that is---keep in mind she's 4!)
(mr potato head glasses)
(fresh haircuts!)
we came back from PA, did the christmas shopping thing, the tree, the family pics (thanks nancy!!), the daycare party, the snow, the dance recital, the bama gifts, the santa gifts, the family gifts. any questions?
(disclaimer---i did NOT take all the pics. mattie took most of them. don't judge!
i'll get the santa pic up later. and i'll try to load rae's dance recital video as well!)
(ornaments from leigh in the sav).JPG)
(betcha can't guess what size dress that is---keep in mind she's 4!)
(mr potato head glasses)
(fresh haircuts!)
Sunday, January 4, 2009
errr.....
i really will get a new post up here....soon. after all the pics are loaded onto the computer!!!
(this is for all 5 of my followers!!)
maybe my resolution should be to do a better job with this. course, i have yet to maintain a resolution (ever!) so maybe not.
happy new year anyway!
(this is for all 5 of my followers!!)
maybe my resolution should be to do a better job with this. course, i have yet to maintain a resolution (ever!) so maybe not.
happy new year anyway!
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