i am a failure

yeah, i haven't blogged in awhile. my bad.

idk where to start.

i guess i'm hoping this post is therapeutic. but i'm guessing it won't do anything except make me even more miserable....if that's even possible.

i feel completely & utterly alone.

it looks like mr sunday & i are probably at the end of our relationship.....and over nothing really. me being stupid...and jealous. and him not understanding me. complete failure in the relationship department.

my bff here & i are about done as friends. and for nothing. we're just too different maybe. complete failure in the friendship department.

i went back to school...you know, finally graduated....trying to make a better life for the kids. but guess who still doesn't have a new job? that's right. complete failure in that department.

the kids never want to do anything with me. they much prefer their father. all i ever hear is that i'm mean & they dont love me. you guessed it...complete failure there too.

i clearly can't do anything right. i mean, i've heard that my whole life. (thanks dad) but i've tried so fucking hard to be better than that.

but right now, i clearly am a failure.

i hate myself.

i hate my life.

and i'm really starting to wonder if anyone would even notice if i just disappeared.

i don't think i even felt this low during the divorce. maybe because i was busy with school then. and my friends gave a shit & were here to pick me up when i was down.

but now....i have nothing. i am nothing.

if i wanted to be this miserable, i wouldve stayed married.

i thought my life was going to be better. that i was going to be better.

but i guess it's not. and i'm not.

i'm just gonna be a failure for the rest of my life....hope that's not too long.

happy not anniversary to me

july 5th....

the day i thought i married my best friend....
who'd be there through everything.....
sickness & health....
richer & poorer...
blah blah blah

happy not 8th anniversary to me!!

guess the 7 year itch paired with the screaming battles, split personalities, & general unhappiness was just a bit too much for us to handle....