Dear M: A Reprise

Dear M,

FYI it is NOT ok to blow off your children for a girl.

but don't worry....i'm fending off the why aren't we with daddy tonight questions. and the kids are great. and i'm still fucking supermom.

i talked to him last night. and he was already hesitant about picking up the kids tonight. i knew exactly where it was leading. i even explained to him that i have chemo VERY early in the morning, so i really needed him to get the kids tonight. he called me at work today, trying to be all light & funny. then he dropped the bomb i knew was coming....."i'm not getting the kids tonight."

shocker.

i've been fending off questions all day. and just now he finally fessed up he's with a chick. and she & her son will be with them tomorrow night at a baseball game.

now, i am NOT jealous. i'd be very happy to see him in a relationship. his deal since we've split is to fuck 'em & leave 'em. you know the type....get laid & never call again. so if he'd chill out with 1 chick that'd be great. and maybe he'd be less of an asshole to me.

HOWEVER....1 or 2 dates doesn't equal getting to meet my children. nor does it mean having your kid around mine.

yes, my kids have met mr sunday. but he & i have been dating for awhile. and there's some sort of future there. idk what just yet, but he'll be around for quite some time.

but this shit is ridiculous.

so, my dear ex-husband...please grow the fuck up. stop thinking with your dick & start thinking with your tiny, pea-sized brain. be a father. or else give them up. you fought so hard for your time with them. thanks for proving is was all about the money & getting your support lowered.

oh, and don't worry. the kids are already realizing what you are.

and that most definitely is NOT a father.

tooth #3

princess rae lost tooth #3 tonight!!!!

i was at the kitchen table with my mom & neighbor when rae came trotting in....bloodied mouth & tooth in hand!!!

woohoo!!! no more watching her wiggle that thing. totally grosses me out!!!

now, if i can just outlast them tonight to stay awake & play tooth fairy.

fingers crossed they crash out soon!!!

a little lonely

so.....mr sunday left yesterday for the motherland.

saturday night was R.O.U.G.H.

yesterday was too.

and this morning.

you see, since we started dating we've talked every single day. there hasn't been a day when i haven't heard his voice. and although i didn't always spend time with him, i knew i could contact him. the past few weeks he's been in town & i've seen him almost every day.

so this is tough.

it's the little things. sure, i miss hugs & kisses. laughing. triple chocolate meltdowns with an extra scoop of ice cream & 2 spoons. and of course i miss hearing his voice. but it's the little tiny things.

i miss the good morning texts the most. the dumb pics we send. making stupid faces.

i'm not sure i really realized how important he'd become. or how tough this would be. but the more i'm with him the less i want to be apart.

i've dated a handful of guys since M & i split. but none has come even close to mr sunday. they were all great guys. but they weren't him.

today was tough....i found a job i'm very interested in trying to get. this is major because i've been really down about not finding anything. i couldn't text him or call him.

i had chemo today....couldn't text him to pass the time then either.

wanted to tell him something about his "brother." couldnt do that.

when the hell did he become so important? and when the hell did i become so dependent on texting? or texting him anyway??

idk.

i just know that june 23 can't possibly come soon enough so i can smile like this again

I DID IT!!!!

a handful of pics to follow, i promise!!

but

I DID IT!!!!

i graduated today!!!!

and this time, i really did :D

mom went with me.

and mr sunday showed up to snap a few photos, even though he's sick.

so, as difficult as the past year has been....and as expensive as it's been (out of my own pocket!).....I DID IT. and it was totally worth it.

to my mom---thanks for all the extra help with the kids & the cheering section :D

to my siblings---thanks for being part of the cheering squad too

to my friends---the same thing. your support has been amazing

to both mr sunday & captain slacker---thanks for the love & encouragement

to my coworkers---thanks for not getting too angry when i did homework on the clock :P

and to my beautiful blondies---thanks for being so understanding when mommy wasn't home. i did this so we can have a better life. I LOVE YOU.

so that's that.

11 years after i started, i finished.

now what do i do?

today's fun

sooooooooo way back sometime last summer apparently, matt let some friends borrow our john deere....without my knowledge. these people were OUR friends. a married couple with 2 kids. they came to visit us in MN & we spent lots of time together. i've know the wife since middle school & we were best friends for a long, loooong time. but they have since taken matt's side in the divorce.

i saw her & their daughter at the hair place the other day & she wouldn't even look at me....acted like i wasn't there. fine. really. i'm ok with it.

i got the mower in the divorce. i have asked matt repeatedly to get it from them & back in the storage unit until i need it. so, for shits & giggles, i dropped by the storage unit today. no mower. here's the fun texting that followed.

me: soooooo...just stopped by the storage.....
him: what about it?
me: its missing something
him: your corpse

classy. at what point am i allowed to do something about all this? pfa? restraining order? do i have anything? or do i just have to deal with it?

oh...in GREAT news....i took my 2 finals today!!!
i.am.FINISHED!!!!

my undergrad career is officially over.
graduation is saturday!!! :D

Dear M

it's been quite some time since i've done a post entirely directed at M. it's about time, don't you think?? welcome to my world.

dear M,

your text message are the best ever.

"I hope you do have cancer and you die a very slow and painful death. i will come piss o. Your grave and rub one out on your tombstone."

classic. thank you. i love them.

know what i love even more? your phone calls!

20 minutes of "i'll be happy when you're dead," "you're a cum dumpster," & "hindu cunt" are my favorites. i also thoroughly enjoy "you're a whore," "i'll take you to court every day," & "go fuck your hindu boyfriend."

keep 'em coming M. you make my day. every day.

you know what i honestly love, though? i have the 2 best parts of you laying in their beds just down the hall. i hate the way you talk to me. i hate the way you treat me. but i will always love you. you gave me the best gifts anyone could ever ask for. you can keep saying these awful things. and you can keep hurting me. but i will always smile when i look at the beautiful blondies you gave me. you can be mad. and you can be jealous that i've moved on. but you can never take away my reasons for getting up every morning.

you know what i've learned M? life sucks. it's hard. it's unfair. and it never goes as planned. but it's worth every second. especially when you put the blondies first instead of yourself.