someday...

i really will get back to this thing......

it's just that right now i'm a stressful heap---just trying to get through each day.

my work schedule leaves little family time, so forget about any extra blogging time.

but someday, hopefully soon, i will get back to this.

the butterfly

so, i'm not a big believer in signs. really. but sometimes i wonder if i should be.

where is this coming from?

well, the day of grandpa's viewing we all drove down to my aunt & uncle's house. my sister, brother, & i decided that we would take a trip to the cemetery. she had only been back there once since grandma was buried, but he & i hadn't been back at all. given how difficult it was for us when grandma passed, i knew i needed to go deal with my issues before the funeral. i'd much rather be that vulnerable around my siblings than with my entire family (and whoever else was there).

we drove up the hill to the tiny cemetery in the field & walked through the gate. obviously, we knew where to head seeing as there was a big pile of dirt next to their headstone.

when i got closer, there was a beautiful black & purple butterfly on their headstone. and somehow, it helped. i was sad, of course. but i was at peace. my grandparents were together again...finally. i had no doubt. i spoke briefly with both of them, telling them how much i loved them. and then i explored the cemetery a bit (finding my great aunt & uncle & my great grandparents).

was it a sign? probably not. but seeing the butterfly & knowing what it's a symbol of really did help me get through that day & the next.

the butterfly is a sign of new life.

my grandparents' new life together.

my new life without grandpa. my new life of hoping that part of my family doesn't fall apart. my new life remembering that every day is a gift. my new life of spending even more time with my family. and, my new life of trying to be a christian.

at least, a better one than i've been.





(this won't be my last post about this stuff, obviously. i need a place to write it all out & this is it. as always, feel free to express your own views. :) )

(my apologies to grandpa's "other" family. i incorrectly labeled them as mennonite in my last post. they are german brethren. that's a whole separate post which i'll dive into some other day.)

gone

that's it.

it's over.

he's gone.

and so is the pain.

grandpa's poor body succumbed to the cancer around noon today, august 20, 2009.
he's pain free.
and with grandma. (at least i tell myself that to make it easier)
nearly 13 long years apart. now they are back together.

he left behind quite a family....
5 kids
10 grandkids
11 great grandkids
1 great great grandkid (and another on the way)

(i think i counted correctly, but i could be wrong!)

so now, we will push through 1 more day of work before making the trip south.

we will visit with family and old friends (and gpa's crazy family, that's a post in itself!! they're mennonite!)

and we will say goodbye.

and be thankful the pain is gone.

the post i don't want to write

ok, so i've been putting this post off for an entire year now. yes, 1 WHOLE year. (and here's your warning: do not read this while at work. it may be a tear jerker)

here we go.....

i know i've discussed the death of both my grandma k & my grandpa b. while this post isn't officially about grandpa k's death, it IS about his health, which unfortunately is slowly & painfully leading to his death. right now. as i type this. :: sigh ::

this is my grandpa (wrestling r & b last labor day!)

this photo was taken about a week after he had surgery last year. the doctors told us they removed his cancer.....ALL of it. we were thankful beyond belief.

fast forward to this past spring (not sure exactly which month)....gpa goes in for a check-up. bad news: not only is the cancer back, but it's back with a vengeance. it's spreading. FAST.

being 85, gpa decides to skip treatment. i don't blame him. the docs say he's got 1 year w/o treatment, 2 with. i guess my grandpa figured that he's going to die anyway so he might as well try to live a happy life with minimal time spent in the hospital getting radiation & chemo that would make him feel sick & wouldn't really help anyway. i think we all (as in the whole fam) are perfectly fine with this decision. at his age, i'd make the same choice.

ok, fast forward again to this past week.....gpa goes into the hospital with stomach pain (keep in mind the cancer started in his colon so this is the same general area it's been spreading to). the docs obviously do a scan. and what do they find?! the cancer is, of course, spreading even more & is now IN his liver (so surgery is not an option). the doctors tell him they can do nothing & send him home.

a handful of the family got together this past weekend. gpa is jaundiced from the liver cancer, has lost some weight, & just looks plain tired & worn out. when he left the get-together, he did just that---left. no hugs, no goodbyes, no nothing. just walked out. maybe he doesn't know what to say. i know he's sick of us all asking how he's feeling. but just leave? really?! i'm 99% sure that was the last time i'll see him alive. home nurses are being set up this week & that will lead to hospice. those nurses are saints. i know. but once it gets that bad, i won't visit. i can't do it. call me selfish. i didn't visit gma k that last time. i didn't visit gpa b either. so this was it. i'm certain.

i'm no doctor, but i'm a smart girl. grandpa's got just weeks left. the reality has set in. i cry every day, & mattie doesn't know what to do to comfort me. i cry myself to sleep almost every night while he just lays there & listens to me sob. i'm fine with that. if he hugged me, it would probably just be worse. we moved back to PA so we wouldn't miss out on family gatherings, but we're too late. yes, we're still ecstatic we'll see my family more often. but it's so bittersweet.

the end is near for grandpa.
i just hope he's not in pain.

our secret father's day

ok, so father's day was when? a long time ago! right! and FINALLY here's a quick post about it!!! the kids & i had a very secret photo shoot with my fabulous friend nancy. she takes amazing photos & my kids just LOVE her.

i assumed the day would be easy & that the kids would cooperate. i didn't factor in the heat!! the kids weren't on their best behavior but we still made it work!! here are some of my fave shots from that day!!!

and my absolute FAVORITE shot of the day.....drumroll please........................................

mattie was thrilled with surprise & the amazing photos. now we can't wait to find a new house & hang these on the walls!!!

in other news......

i know you all know this, but i wanted to document it anyway: i am moving THIS WEEKEND!!! i accepted my previous position with 1st Keystone Nat'l Bank back! i'm VERY excited to get back home to my family, friends, & a job that requires me to work with people! cube life & then working at home has made me lose brain cells i swear!!! the house is still on the market but we are hoping that will change soon----after a drastic price reduction that should be happening soon.

more posts will be coming soon, promise! i'll have wi-fi at my parents'. when i found out i was moving so quickly, i decided to forget about trying to fix the wi-fi at our house. i haven't been there much & when i am there, i'm cleaning & packing!!

and, before i forget, we can add to the upcoming posts list:

~our final milaca parade

~girls weekend in chicago

that's all i can think of for now!!!

coming soon....

i'm still here! really! but my home network is ALL messed up, so i haven't been online much! not to worry....geek squad is slated to come tomorrow morning between 8 & noon. i'm hoping it's closer to 8 because i've got plans tomorrow!!! anyway.....i really will get back to blogging soon! and blogging much more since i've got a quiet house now!!! and in case you're wondering, i'm doing fine with that. don't get me wrong---i miss mattie & the kids terribly and would most definitely rather be with them. but not getting up quite so early, not picking up toys every night, not giving baths, not changing diapers, not sharing a bed......you get the point....is LOVELY. fabulous! i'm enjoying a bit of freedom i haven't had since rae was born (almost 5 years ago! time sure flies!)

for instance, i went out for dinner with a great friend the other night without worrying about who was going to keep the kids. i went shopping today with my sister....KID FREE!!! we were out for hours & hours and didn't hear 1 single complaint!! and tomorrow i'm going with my sister & 1 of her friends to a cirque du soleil show! so being family-less isn't so bad. but still, i'd rather be with them.

anyway.....once my laptop is back to communicating with my wireless connection & i can get some new pics uploaded you can expect posts on the following: (kind of like school, isn't it?!)

~our very secret father's day gift for mattie
~our trip to splash park for 1 last night night with the kids' MN friends/saying goodbye to daycare
~my trip to PA & leaving the kiddos
~exercise, motivation, goals, & my one ENORMOUS goal healthwise
~the post i've been putting off.......you'll understand when you read it

that's all i can think of for now. fingers crossed that the geek can fix up my network quickly & easily tomorrow!! (think i'll get a price cut if i know him my knockers?!)

oh, and if anyone can help me with this.....i've tried uploading pics of mattie & the kids for my sidebar but they're always sized wrong or something....i get a really tall, thin box where my pic should be. i'm computer-retarded, so i'll take any help!!! thanks!

short, quick day

ok, i HAVE to write this quick because it's a gem. seriously.

let me clue you in.....rae is NOT allowed to have anything bratz related. can't stand'em.

so, out of the blue (seriously, no christmas or bratz commercials or anything in sight) she says, "when we go see santa in st cloud, i'm going to ask him for bratz. so YOU don't know."

if she only knew!!!

and while i'm typing, might as well write about our day. the kids slept in thankfully. rae had 2 bowls or cereal. beast had 4 waffles (and asked for more but i said no!). i did lots of cleaning in case someone wants to see my house now that it's listed. have i mentioned it's listed?! because it is!!!

i needed to get the kids out of the house for a couple hours because i think copper might have fleas & i wanted to set off bombs. they went out to the car, i got copper safely set up, & i set off the bombs.

we headed for some lunch at their favorite place---mcdonald's of course! they think it's a real treat to eat inside, so we did. it took almost an hour because they were too busy playing & waving at people going through the drive-thru.

then we headed back up to play at the elementary school playground. we'd never played there before & it was super fun. (i have a couple pics on my phone but don't have them on the computer yet). they had a BLAST....except for those rude ass kids on the big slides who wouldn't move. (and their dad was asleep in their van. classy.) i tried to get a little sun by laying on a bench. i can be just as classy as these real milacans you know!!

after we were all sufficiently tired, we came home. i made them stay outside while i cleaned up inside a bit. then they both got in trouble & were banished to their rooms. and wouldn't you know, little beast fell asleep. shit. it was just 5!!! he woke up, crabby as hell.

they've had dinner & snacks, so we're off to the tub! seriously hoping they're so zonked from the sun & the playing that they crash out early. 445 will come early tomorrow. blah.

(i promise, i'll get these boring posts out of my system soon. after the zoo post is up & the kids are gone. which, i've been tearing up about again. so then you'll hear about that. deal.)

the bucket list

so, i've never seen the movie the bucket list, but i'm pretty sure it has to do with things you want to do before you die. well, rae had her own bucket list to complete before the big move.



but 1st things 1st. when daddy left, we had to stay busy. so, we started making a countdown chain (just like i used to make to count down to christmas!)



rae helped me decorate the rings.


beast just goofed around. he wanted no part of the craft project.

i handled the top. this is what we are counting down to!!!

here are some of the finished rings (leaving on a jetplane has special meaning to mattie & me)

and here are the goobers with our finished project!! (fyi, we're now so close to the top that rae can't reach the rings to take them off!)

being touristy in minneapolis wasn't on rae's bucket list, but we did it anyway!!! we hung out at the sculpture gardens one sunday with some of our bestest buds! ok, here we go with the bucket list. the list looked a little something like this: milaca parade, twins game, moa, zoo, ptown friday night races.

we tackled the milaca parade first.

here's beast waiting patiently.

and rae waiting patiently.
and here are the 5 freaking firetrucks we saw. they were coming down the street to tell us the parade had been canceled.....

because the sky looked like this!!

so we headed to our friends' house (that would be the ulms!!) & hung out for the evening.

the rain lasted less than an hour & then it was lovely outside. too bad they canceled the parade & devastated princess rae!! they have since rescheduled it for this coming monday and we will, once again, be hanging out there with the ulms!!!

when friday rolled around, we headed down to the princeton races. my sister joined us & helped me wrestle beast!!!

i decided i want this job.....

here's rae with her hot pink ear protection!

and beast with his green!! he kept pulling them away from ears & saying "mommy that's too loud!" (but when he says it, it's more like "mommy that's too wowed!!") he took them off eventually anyway. so when he can't hear in 3 years, we'll know what to blame!

he did A LOT of yelling, "GO, GO, GO!!!" mostly at the pink hornet. that's right....his favorite was PINK. sometimes i worry about him. :)

i'd also really enjoy this job!

we did a VERY special father's day project, but i can't post it because mattie hasn't seen it yet. nor does he have any clue as to what it is!! promise to post info when i can!!!

we headed to moa with our friend nancy. we just road 2 rides, & the carousel was definitely the fave. rae & beast both LOVED it. after many tears & tantrums we left. i promised that we'd go back in august when they come to visit me. but we'll go on a weekday then!!!

so, in case you're keeping track, we've taken care of the ptown races & moa.

today, we did the zoo (separate post on that coming later. too exhausted now.)

monday we'll take care of the milaca parade.

the twins game won't be happening. but we'll do it in august for sure!!

i think that's her whole bucket list. beast didn't have one that i know of. i do, of course. but i've got a little more time to complete mine!!!

(in house news, the house is FINALLY on the market!!! it went on yesterday. fingers crossed that it sells quickly or else i get a job in PA so we can all be a family together very soon.)

dear m (a quick rant)

to my wonderful husband,

do NOT tell me how i am or am not handling this new situation. you aren't here.

you have NO idea what it's like to be the single parent. you have NO idea how it feels knowing that both your kids prefer their other parent. and you have NO idea how heartbreaking it is to hear "where is daddy?" whispered by your 2 year old son at 5 in the morning. nor do you have any idea how much it hurts at the same time, knowing you will NEVER live up to daddy....never be good enough.

i LOVE these kids more than anything. i'd do anything for them. i'd kill. i'd die. i'd do ANYTHING to keep them safe & make them happy. that includes living away from them for an unkown period of time.

you, m, have it easy. 25 more days & they are yours. BUT, you will have help. built-in help no less. and you will not have to say goodbye to them again. i, on the other hand, will have to say goodbye over & over & over as i travel back & forth halfway across the country numerous times to see their smiles, hear their laughter, & watch rae traipse into her new school on the 1st day.

so don't you EVER tell me again that i'm doing a piss poor job handling the situation.

i'm doing the best i can. i'm sorry if that's not good enough for you.

D-Day #1

no, i'm not talking about the same d-day that the president is this week.
i'm talking about our family d-day.

matt left today.
ugh.

last night we enjoyed a nice dinner at home & just hung out as a family. we filled out the last of the paperwork for his new job & finally went to bed exhausted. it was nearly midnight.

the alarm was set for 730 so we could eat 1 last family breakfast in this house. of course, i kept hitting snooze & before we knew it, it was 8!! mattied hopped up & took a quick shower. and, since he wanted to be on the road by 9 we skipped the pancake breakfast & just ate cereal in front of some cartoons. after all, that's pretty typical for us!!!

after some cereal, we loaded the last small items into the little old contour. i was already crying, as i have been steadily for the past 3 weeks!!!

the kids said goodbye with hugs & kisses for daddy & baron. they clearly have no idea how long 5 weeks is & no concept of this whole living apart stuff!!! mattie & i, on the other hand, were headcases. we cried & cried.

i walked him out to the car, said goodbye to baron, & gave mattie his last minute instructions----BE CAREFUL. i mean, this is hard enough. i don't need something happening to him on the way!

i came inside, sobbing, and waved out the window with the kids.

the little blue contour pulled out of the driveway, took its last drive on our little dirt road, & headed for the highway......




as hard as this is, i know it's for best. really, i do. it's just that in the past 6 years, mattie & i haven't been apart for more than 2 weeks. and those 2 weeks i was the one in PA. i took the kids there on my maternity leave with beast. so 5 weeks sounds like 100 years to me. i've never been the one stuck in this house. i love my house....but right now it feels like prison. it has to be clean at all times for showings. and quite honestly, i want to be the one going "home." PA is my home. and it has become mattie's too. but it's really mine. so this is SO hard. aside from being homesick, now i'm lonely (you know what i mean).

yes, i know my sister & my friends will help, but it's just not the same. some of my routine won't change that much....we're used to matt working a lot. so trips to the store & bathtime without him won't be too bad. but being the only parent is completely new. and yes, it's just for 5 weeks. but those 5 weeks can't go fast enough.

i tried telling myself that it's just 1 month. really, it is. today's the 6th. and the kids & i are flying out on the 4th. so it's less than 1 month----but june has 5 f'ing weeks. seriously! i can't get a break!!!

so, here's to hoping the next 5 weeks fly by.
although, that just means that d-day #2 (when i leave the kids in PA for good) is just around the corner.
fuck.
i can't win.


(EDIT---i just realized it's exactly 4 weeks from today that we go. i'm an emotional idiot. sorry! i can do 4 weeks. i really can!)
but it will all be worth it.
someday.
hopefully soon.

religious ramblings

ok, super quick one (come on, i've got waaaay too much to do! less than 48 hours til d-day #1)

remember this post? well, i've been doing some thinking.....

i'm still questioning all this religion stuff. really. i can't figure it out one way or another. but i'm trying. i'm really trying to figure out what i believe or don't believe. and it's not like i have someone to discuss this with. i mean, i know lots of people who would talk with me about it. but i want to discuss it only with mattie, & he doesn't know what to think either so he doesn't want to talk. such a man. ;)

anyway, lately i've started thinking that there just may be a god. i still doubt...a lot. and i still have doubts about the bible. seriously, that stuff just cannot be true. but i've been thinking there must be some higher power out there. and i've even been, GASP, praying. and not just praying for myself. yeah, i prayed that we'd get to move. and yes, we are. and i'm trying really, really hard to believe that we'll make it through this unscathed & that god has a reason for making it so hard.

but mainly, i've been praying for these boys---baby stellan (whom many of you follow) & baby josiah (mattie was in the marines with josiah's dad). reading about these families' faith & seeing the miracles that these little boys are has given me hope. is that the right word? i don't know. but it's made me start to question all this religion stuff.....again.

i'm nowhere near a decision on it all. but i can say i'm somewhere in the middle now instead of at one extreme or the other.

oh, and welcome to my fabulous daycare provider amy & her daughter tami jo!! they found me on facebook & in turn found my blog!! (shoot, now they'll know what i'm really like--- swearing sailor mouth, bad mom, & all!!)






(in other news---i've become fb friends with some of mattie's family. i'm seriously hoping they don't read this blog. remember? i don't typically speak highly of his family. and yes, there are still major issues. :) but we'll deal. as far as we're concerned, the kids have 1 set of grandparents---you know, the ones they'll be living with in a few weeks! oh, and his mom thinks she might just drive on up to PA & pick up the kids. over my dead body!)

the last party

this past friday we had mattie's going away party.

now, we are definitely party people!! our parties typically consist of the best dessert ever, lots of alcohol, & lots of bullshitting well into the night.

friday was no different. and i apologize, there is no photo evidence!!!

some of our friends from the area & some of mattie's fave coworkers came over. we watched the twins game, passed around bottles of champagne, & generally were just having a great time. we made fun of other coworkers who weren't there & those who were!

one of our friends who's a cop came over & was an incredibly good sport when the drunkards starting asking questions about his job, his mase (or is it mace?), his gun, his radio, his everything. i was dying with laughter. it was so hilarious.

we partied until nearly 3am, at which point eric (a coworker of matt's) helped me drag mattie inside to bed!! it was clear that mattie was done for after lots of beer, some swigs of asti, & more jack shots than i can count!! he started getting emotional, so we knew he was toast!!! eric camped out on the couch & i camped out on the living room floor for awhile because i couldn't take the snoring!! eventually i crawled back into bed.....and slept nearly all day saturday.

saturday evening mattie & i enjoyed our last date until july. we headed to red lobster for a delish dinner & did a tiny bit of shopping. (thanks sis for keeping the kids)

sunday was spent getting the house ready to sell!!! (separate post on that later, i'm sure!)

so, with the party under our belts & mattie's last day of work coming to an end in 2 hours we look to the future. reality is starting to set in again----he's leaving in 2 days. wow. then it's countdown time for the kids & me!!! 5 weeks until we fly to PA!!!


in other moving news.....
we gave our daycare notice. it's early yet, but i need her to be prepared for whatever reaction the kids have to mattie leaving this weekend. she & her family are sad but completely understand. they expect lots of pictures & promise to visit----as long as they can park their camper in my parents' yard! so that was a huge weight off my shoulders. they're the best people we could ever ask for to help us raise our kids.

my employer still doesn't know, but i'm considering telling them just so i actually do get laid off. that would mean 10 weeks of severance/health benefits & i could move. screw the house!!!

ok, that's it. a total rambling of crap! there's just too much going on for me to actually write a decent, cohesive post right now, ok?! :)

extra! extra! read all about it

the family is moving!! (ok, i know this is not news to most of you guys! but it's important & needs a quick post!)

yes, it's true....after a couple years of trying, we are officially moving home.....to PA!!!! mattie finally got hired at PPL & will be leaving next weekend. this is where things get hairy!! he's going alone. well, he's taking baron.

but he's leaving the kids & me here. the kids will be moving in july. i will be sticking around the house until it sells....or until i think i'll die being away from my family!! let's hope the house sells quickly!! my trusty guard dog will be keeping me company (mainly b/c mattie doesn't want to take him along to PA!)

we've had the discussion with rae about the situation. she's VERY excited to go to a new school. she'll be going to the preschool i went to, & she'll even have the same teacher i had!! miss patti think she's ready for sassypants. after all, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!

the only people left to tell are our fabulous daycare provider (that will be SO SO hard), my niece & nephew (my niece will be VERY jealous), & my employer (who we're not telling b/c they're about to do layoffs in my dept). and no, none of those read this blog!!!

so, that's it. that's our big news.

finally, we are going home.

but leaving MN will be difficult. :(

welcome

to

ALIWOOD

after months of trying to come up with a new title for this blog, this is the one i keep coming back to. thanks sis!!!

i figured that since this blog is really mine & not so much the family's, it needed a change. i'll still blog about family stuff & the kids, of course, but i'll be doing a lot more personal writing----fun & entertaining, dark & therapeutic, a total waste of time, whatever i feel!!!







so welcome to


aliwood


never dull, sometimes entertaining,
always dramatic

easter----finally

ah, yes easter was a solid month ago, and yes i'm just blogging about it now. let's remember i have a kinda crazy life----with the husband's craaaazy schedule, the kidlets, & working on the house i don't have much downtime. so here we go.......

i took my very 1st solo flight with the kids to go home to PA a couple days before easter. we zipped through security (which was my big concern). HUGE thank you to the nicest tsa worker EVER. you were fabulous & nice. the best i've encountered. once we had our sweatshirts & shoes back on, we headed for a potty break. come on, with a 2 & 4 year old it had to be the 1st stop!! after that we hit the mcdonald's for our breakfast of champions!! we enjoyed a leisurely meal of pancakes, sausage, & hashbrowns while calling MiMi (my mom ) to make sure she was awake & ready to pick us up in philly!

after eating we trekked down through the terminal to our gate. we hit up the bathroom one more time & waited to board. now, rae didn't want to fly. she wanted to drive so we could stay at a hotel. beast, on the other hand, was super excited. he just kept saying "i'm gonna fly! i'm gonna fly!" so, which one was the problem when it was time to board the plane? beast of course!!! he hates stepping on cracks in the floor, so the teeniest tiny space between the plane & the airport thingie (the name escapes me right now!) set him off. let the tantrum begin! so, i had to pick him up & carry him back to our seats while everyone gave me the shut-your-kid-up look. yes, i was THAT person. great.

we make it to our seats, & he keeps freaking out b/c he didn't want to sit in his own seat. i held him until he settled & gave him oreos (his snack of choice). when the 1st bag was gone & he asked for more, i told him he couldn't have them until he sat in his own seat & put his buckles on. after 10 minutes of negotiating, he went for it. then he was fabulous!!! both kids played their leapsters (or, as we call them, nintendos!). beast even stayed in his seat while i took rae to the bathroom.....again. yes. everything was great until the descent. it was cloudy & windy. as i was getting nauseous, rae was having fun & beast was white knuckling his armrest & my hand. poor guy. i asked if he was ok & he just shook his head no. finally he fell asleep until we touched down.

we found MiMi easily, grabbed our bag & headed for home.

on thursday the kids, MiMi, & i headed out to glance at houses (seeing as i miss the place so much!), say hi to 1 of her coworkers, grab lunch, & hit up the mall. it was a nice, easy day---except for when rae turned around & walked right into a display. she cried but didn't make much noise in the store. she's pretty tough, but her middle name most definitely should NOT be grace!

friday we got up earlier & went to a different mall in search of a cream sweater for rae to wear on easter. do you have any idea how difficult it is to find cream?! geez! everything was white, but i finally got what we needed.....along with a dress we did NOT plan on!! but my shopaholic ways got the best of me. it was a steal at 1/2 off & it's GORGEOUS. that evening i headed out for dinner with 2 of best friends, jen & melissa. i've known jen since kindergarten & mel since 7th grade. it was so much fun catching up. i miss them terribly.

saturday 2 of my other fabulous friends from my days at LHU drove up. i hadn't seen them in almost 2 years so it was crazy! we had an awesome time just talking & hanging out at my parents'.

that night we colored eggs of course!!!

it was all fun & games until beast dropped 1. and then another!!!

the kids had a great time with uncle j (who they don't see nearly enough)

(self-portrait)

we ended the night with my fave snack from home---middleswarth bbq chips!!!

easter morning the kids got up & ate breakfast. they didn't even care that the easter bunny had left a FABULOUS trail of candy from their room to their overflowing buckets!!! we all got dressed up for church & a trip to southern PA for some family stuff!

beast didn't want his pic taken with rae, so he tried to push her away.

princess rae

handsome man beast

the fam minus daddy (he stayed in MN to work so we could afford the trip!)

after church we drove down to my aunt's amazing house. the 3 youngest (well not counting the newborn) had an egg hunt. these are my gpa's 2 youngest great grandkids & his great great granddaughter!

rae, mckenna, beast are just too cute!

i enjoyed some much needed time with my cousins & the rest of my fam. it really made me realize just how hard it is to be away from them. these 2 were teasing me b/c i'm the oldest & used to be the tallest. now i'm the short one!

lauren, tiff, & me

and i of course had to steal some time with baby noah!! he's just so perfect. and the fever kicked into high gear!!

after a few hours with this side of the fam, we headed to my grandma's house & spent the night.

when we were done visiting with great MiMi we headed back north. beast & uncle j had a very serious convo about oasis. beast even asked to hear the song again!!

when we got back to my parents', beast & i crashed. it was a crazy busy weekend!!!

that day was also my bday. we didn't do anything too special. i got to choose my bday dinner which is custom at home. we enjoyed takeout from romeo's. they have the BEST chicken cheesesteak & wings. yum!!! and we had some ice cream.

tuesday was our last day at home. we just hung out at the house & packed up. the kids & i enjoyed our last couple hours with MiMi, PaPa (who was working nights so wasn't involved in too much of our trip :( ), & Uncle J.

wednesday we headed back to philly so we could fly back to daddy!!! again security was easy, though the workers weren't nearly as nice!! so much for the city of brotherly love! we did have to wait extra at the airport due to weather but we managed. the kids got "wings" at the ticket counter even though they already have a bunch at home!! there were no issues boarding the plane this time & we had 2 of the same flight attendants! the head flight attendant remembered us (well, she said she remembered how cute beast is!). beast's only issue was takeoff. he reached over & grabbed my hand. it was pretty damn cute!! we landed in minneapolis, hopped off the plane, & headed to grab our bags & see mattie.

(edit: when we exited the plane & got into the terminal there was a guy who i suppose kinda looked like mattie standing there. rae screamed "daddy!!" & took of running toward him. i had to stop her from wrapping her little arms around some random stranger!)

the kids & i were starving so we grabbed some lunch at red robin, but poor beast was so exhausted he slept through the entire thing!! he just laid in the booth next to me & slept. i ended up sleeping on the way home & all evening, straight through to the next morning!! good thing i work from home & just had to crawl out of bed in my pjs & walk downstairs!!

it was a FABULOUS trip.

but it was hard to leave.

i'm proud of myself & the kids for braving our 1st flight without matt. and although it was much, much better than i expected, i don't plan on doing it again anytime soon!! (oh, and rae LOVED flying & no longer feels the need to drive the 18 hour trip just to stay in a hotel!)

Mom's Day

ah, this is SO not a planned post.....we'll see how it turns out. i've got no idea where to start or where it's headed!!

i woke up before my kids today. this is rare!! so i just stayed in bed, thinking. you'd think my first thoughts would've been of my own mom seeing as it's mother's day. but they weren't. my first thoughts were of 2 fantastic women i know who are having a very, VERY tough time today. (they know who they are) you see, they don't have children of their own. they ARE moms, though. it's just that their babies aren't here on earth with them.

now, i don't understand what that's like. i've never felt that kind of pain. i DO realize, honestly, how incredibly lucky i am to have 2 beautiful, healthy children----- 2 children who can annoy the hell out of me, keep me up at all hours of the night, scribble on my walls, break my stuff.....you get the point!! but 2 children i love more than they can understand right now. more than they'll ever understand until they have kids of their own.

then, i read another friend's blog about motherhood......and she reminded me that i need to forgive myself for not being perfect, to cut myself some slack. so i am. i'm trying anyway.....i worried that it was my fault that my kids didn't walk until they were 17 months, that beast is super skinny & eats just about 4 food items (no real meals, ever, unless it's fast food & even then there are no fruits or veggies), that rae (or Reg, as her baby brother calls her) doesn't recognize all her letters yet, or that beast flaps his arms when he gets excited. but it's not my fault. in fact, there is absolutely nothing wrong with any of that. they are both perfectly normal. and normal is just fine. :)

so today i want to celebrate all moms-----my mom, my family & friends, & especially those who are still waiting, as patiently as they can, to become moms. there is no harder yet more rewarding job.

edit: fyi, i DID send the MIL a card. and mattie DID break down today & call her today---nearly 2.5 months since the last time they spoke. he regrets it. (the call, not the 2.5 months)

random stuff

new posts with our easter adventure, a new blog title, & other stuff really is coming.

but right now it hurts to type. my dominant arm had an unfortunate collision with the front door frame thanks to little shithead, i mean my fabulous dog copper. the swelling is nearly gone. nothing is broken. but i need to wear a brace.

i type all day for work, so that's kind of a HUGE pain in the kiester. i'll be taking frequent breaks to ice for now. i'll be adding heat therapy as well in a few days.

so, blogging will be minimal (what's new? haha) until i get healed up & this damn arm doesn't hurt so much.

quick MIL update though-----still no contact!! almost 2 months. no one bet out this far!!

hodgepodge

i always loved the category "hodgepodge" on jeopardy. (yes, i'm a dork!)
so that's the name of this post! it's a hodgepodge of 3 march days.
here we go.....

so after months & months (ok it felt like years) of winter, we finally saw this:

so we took advantage!!
rae's sassy self:

look carefully. really carefully. it says raegan.

even bryson likes the sidewalk chalk this year!

posers. they really can't stand each other most of the time!!

jumping off the porch!

the next day we headed to the children's museum for the 1st time.

my little percussionists. uncle j would be SO proud!! he's already promised rae a sparkly purple drumset!!

cooking up some fried bananas!

racing boats

being total rockstars. they were in front of a blue screen. this is what they saw on the tv!

and we finally got to spend a family day at the parks downtown. we headed to reineke park 1st.

then we headed to trimble park. even daddy tried out the BIG slide!!

mommy did too! look at that blue sky!

it was SUPER windy!!

and finally we hung out at our friend matt's favorite tank!!

it was REALLY what we needed to help get over our winter blues!!

more hodgepodge----

MIL update. last contact remains 3/1/09. i hope she doesn't call my parents' house this week!

our goofy mastiff went pheasant hunting today in the wooded part of our land. but he's kind of dumb. he barked & it obviously scared them away!!

tomorrow the kids & i leave for PA.....bright & early. we'll be getting up at 3, leaving the house at 4, & flying high in the sky around 710!!

i'll post the kids' easter bunny pic from there. it's hilarious. you might die laughing!!