hopeful

idk where this post is going exactly. but i'll try!!

today, i am HOPEFUL.

it's been a long time coming. freal. when matt & i split 6 months ago, i didn't think i was strong enough to be on my own. alone. with kids. and a job. and school.

but I AM.

and although i am not completely on my own, i am strong. and i can do this. my parents are still a HUGE help. we do still live with them. but we are working on changing that.

for awhile after matt moved out & even after i officially filed for divorce, i felt hopeless. there were days & nights i cried for hours. racking sobs that i thought would never end. i had horrible thoughts. thoughts i don't even want to mention. i wanted to run & hide. or die. but i love my kids too much for that. and when i thought i couldn't be pushed any more, i was. and i lived. i got stronger.

and here i am. 3 weeks into 2011 & feeling great. amazing even.

i am finally hopeful.

i know i still have a few months of crap to live through. and that's ok. i know the next 3-4 months will fly by. i'll be so busy with the kids, work, & school that i won't have time to dwell on the big D. not that i'm dwelling anyway.

my lawyer made me hopeful today. things are going to be fine.

and my friends make me hopeful all the time.

and my new friends make me hopeful.

i mean, who knew there were such supportive people in this little town? people i merely knew OF before. now they're here. and they're amazing. (and they know who they are!!)

so finally I AM HOPEFUL.

life is good.
and it's only going to get better.