the butterfly

so, i'm not a big believer in signs. really. but sometimes i wonder if i should be.

where is this coming from?

well, the day of grandpa's viewing we all drove down to my aunt & uncle's house. my sister, brother, & i decided that we would take a trip to the cemetery. she had only been back there once since grandma was buried, but he & i hadn't been back at all. given how difficult it was for us when grandma passed, i knew i needed to go deal with my issues before the funeral. i'd much rather be that vulnerable around my siblings than with my entire family (and whoever else was there).

we drove up the hill to the tiny cemetery in the field & walked through the gate. obviously, we knew where to head seeing as there was a big pile of dirt next to their headstone.

when i got closer, there was a beautiful black & purple butterfly on their headstone. and somehow, it helped. i was sad, of course. but i was at peace. my grandparents were together again...finally. i had no doubt. i spoke briefly with both of them, telling them how much i loved them. and then i explored the cemetery a bit (finding my great aunt & uncle & my great grandparents).

was it a sign? probably not. but seeing the butterfly & knowing what it's a symbol of really did help me get through that day & the next.

the butterfly is a sign of new life.

my grandparents' new life together.

my new life without grandpa. my new life of hoping that part of my family doesn't fall apart. my new life remembering that every day is a gift. my new life of spending even more time with my family. and, my new life of trying to be a christian.

at least, a better one than i've been.





(this won't be my last post about this stuff, obviously. i need a place to write it all out & this is it. as always, feel free to express your own views. :) )

(my apologies to grandpa's "other" family. i incorrectly labeled them as mennonite in my last post. they are german brethren. that's a whole separate post which i'll dive into some other day.)